Shannon's Articles:

A look at youth sports from AYF's National Membership Director

By Shannon Shy

Articles:

• Coaching the Coach
• The Key to Building a Successful Youth Organization – A Foundation of Values

Coaching the Coach

As an administrator and as a coach of youth sports, I have always paid attention to the behavior of coaches and parents (and other fans) during practices and games.  It is a plain fact – misconduct and negative behavior by adults is detrimental to the well being of our children.  Everyone reading this article probably has some horror story to tell.   The conduct of adults at youth sporting events must forever be in the forefront.  It is part of holding people accountable (a tip for success in any youth organization). 

Recently, on one of my trips across the country, I spent the weekend with the family of one of my college wrestling teammates.  We attended a soccer game in which his sixteen year old daughter (who I will call Anna) was playing.  After the game, I witnessed an amazing act of courage by Anna -- she held her head coach accountable for the conduct of his assistant coaches and the parents.   Anna was a member of a travel soccer team.  The girls on the team were competitive and the coaches were competitive.  Naturally, as competition goes, the games were emotional firestorms. The players were into it.  The parents were into it.  The coaches were into it.  Coaches and parents got on the referees when they thought they made the wrong call.  Parents berated their kids when they messed up.  Wait, is something wrong?   It’s high-level competitive athletics.  Anything goes, right?  It’s only natural for the coaches and parents to be disrespectful to referees, right?   It’s okay for parents to berate their children when they miss the “easy” play that obviously the parent would have made had he or she been out there, right?   Apparently, this type of conduct persisted game after game.

Well, after experiencing a “straw that broke the camel’s back” moment, young Anna had had enough.   The straw the weighed so heavily on Anna’s mind could have happened anywhere across America in any youth sport.  During the game played the weekend previous to my visit, a referee made a call that the coaches and parents disagreed with.  One of the twenty-something year old assistant coaches made such a scene objecting to the call that the head official ejected him from the game and told him he had to leave the premises.  Moving at a snail’s pace, the assistant coach took his sweet time leaving the field.  The referee indicated that the game would not continue until the coach left.  Instead of the head coach taking charge of the situation and requiring his assistant to leave immediately, the head coach took his team off the field and forfeited the game.  The parents took it out verbally on the officials. That night, Anna sent an email to the coach explaining why the conduct of the coaches and parents was unacceptable.  Although she thought she was just replying to one of the coach’s informational emails, she inadvertently “replied to all” and her email went to all the coaches, parents, and team members. 

When I arrived for the weekend, Anna’s dad explained to me what had happened and that Anna had planned to talk in-person with the head coach after the game that I was going to see. After the game, Anna asked the head coach if she could have a few words with him. Anna had told her dad that she wanted to talk to the coach alone.  Her dad said he’d be close by for moral support.  The coach folded his arms across his chest and took a defensive posture.  Anna’s father and I watched from about fifteen feet away as the teenage girl held her ground and coached her coach.  She explained how she and her other teammates were embarrassed by the actions of the assistant coach and appalled that the head coach did not take action against the assistant coach who failed to leave the field and how appalled they were when the head coach took the girls off the field and forfeited.  She told him how the girls were upset by the behavior of the parents game in and game out and that it was the head coach’s responsibility to ensure the parents conducted themselves accordingly.  She told the coach that she loved soccer, but not under those circumstances.  About ten minutes into the conversation, Anna’s dad walked over and stood by her side.   He didn’t say anything; he simply put his hand on her shoulder to signify his support.  By the end of the conversation, the coach had unfolded his arms and he apologized to Anna.  He asked her to give him another chance.  Anna agreed.   By the way, the assistant coaches and the parents must have gotten the message from the inadvertent broadcast of the email—they acted appropriately during that game—like coaches and fans are supposed to do.  I told Anna during our walk to the car that was one of the bravest and most mature acts I had ever witnessed from a teenager. 

What is our lesson as coaches, parents, and administrators?  A young person should never have to be put in this position.  We as adults and leaders of our organizations should demand and expect more from our coaches and parents.  In competitive sports, emotions are high.  Every play is significant.  Every game is important, whether it’s the national championship game or simply a conference game between two sub-.500 teams.  The point is to ensure that coaches and parents conduct themselves with dignity and show respect and good sportsmanship toward the referees and to all children and adults present under all circumstances.  The head coach is the first line of defense here.  The head coach is responsible for everything that happens on the sideline and for the conduct of those there to support the team.  Assistant coaches and parents are the second line of defense.   Yes, it’s competitive, but it is still youth sports and we are still adults.  Administrators are also responsible for holding everyone accountable.  Remember – this is supposed to be for the kids.  Thank you, Anna, for reminding us that student athletes have standards and expectations too and that this really is about you and all the other youth we serve.  Kudos to you for having the courage to coach the coach. 

February 2011 ©

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The Key to Building a Successful Youth Organization – A Foundation of Values:

You hear the mantra “It’s for the kids” a lot in youth organization circles. I know it’s big here at AYF/AYC. Recently, a community leader looking over the fence at AYF from another football organization asked me, “What does that mean – ‘for the kids’”? He continued: “What do you do, for example, if you catch a coach of a championship team cheating using an ineligible player? Do you hurt the rest of the players by taking away their championship? They had nothing to do with the dishonesty.” That question, and my answer to that question, which was received favorably by the community leader, prompted me to write this article. (My answer is provided at the end of this article.)

I spend a great deal of time throughout the year communicating with folks around this awesome country (and in other countries) about developing successful youth football and cheer organizations capable of sustainment. The key to success is actually fairly simple – begin by building a values-based foundation and stay focused on those values. Staying focused on the values that caused you to create the organization will ensure that all of your decisions are made in the best interest of the kids. And to be candid, if you’re here for any other reason, AYF/AYC is not the place for you.

Building and sustaining a values-based organization is not difficult. Here is how you do it:

1. Identify your organization’s values

Before you write your by-laws, before you buy equipment, before you lock on fields, before you publicize your registration, BEFORE YOU TAKE ANOTHER STEP. . . ., sit down with your fellow ‘founders’ and discuss the reasons why you want to create a youth football and cheer organization. Identify what is important to you. Discuss the VALUES that will drive your organization. What is your objective? Are you trying to provide a vehicle for children to learn the importance of education, good character, responsibility, accountability, honesty, education, community service (“Giving Back”), teamwork, the fundamentals of football and cheer, how to deal with adversity, how to turn failure into success, . . .? Are you trying to develop positive, trained, effective mentors (i.e., coaches and other volunteers) that WILL have positive influences on the lives of our children? OR ARE YOU DOING THIS SIMPLY TO WIN? Hint – If you only want to win, then you are doomed for failure. You may win a national championship, but your organizational existence will be fleeting and odds are that issues of bad character and dishonesty will haunt you and taint your success. Worse, you will have metaphorically crippled the kids you’re pretending to serve – for life. THE KEY IS TO BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR MOTIVATION.

2. Write down the values you have identified and create a mission statement

This mission statement will be the foundation of your organization and should be the first thing your volunteers and parents read when they pick up the organization’s by-laws.

3. Refer back to the mission statement as you execute your program and make decisions in executing your program

Every decision your board makes and every decision your coaches and other volunteers make MUST reflect the values pronounced and professed in your mission statement. Dealing with crises, in particular, is made much easier if you can wrap your decision around your values-based mission statement.

4. Ensure you fill your volunteer positions with persons of good character

Character matters. It really, really matters. Background checks and in-person interviews for board members, coaches, and other key volunteers are essential tools in weeding out persons of less- than- good character. You will be surprised to find out what you didn’t know about some persons wanting to help run the youth organization you’re building and, more importantly, wanting to interact with the children of your community.

5. Hold your board members, coaches, other volunteers, parents, and kids accountable when they take actions counter to the mission statement

Ensure you know the rules and by-laws and implement them fairly and judiciously. That is, don’t be arbitrary and capricious. But it is ESSENTIAL that you hold people accountable, for their actions, inactions, and words in accordance with the values stated in your mission statement. It is amazing to see how the thought of knowing that one will be held accountable for his or her actions influences his or her behavior.

If you do the five steps above, I promise you that your organization will be a success; one that sustains itself through good times and difficult times. So what was my answer to the gentleman’s question about the meaning of “For the kids”? I told him that if you have a values-based foundation to your organization, your values will prompt you to hold the coach accountable for his decision. Accountability in this situation means the team will have to forfeit the championship. The players and the coach must know that actions have consequences and cheaters never prosper. While this may be very painful to the rest of the children on the team and may even seem unfair to them because they had no knowledge, your values-based decision will have a positive influence on them for the rest of their life. This lesson will stay with them and be passed on to all whom they influence when they are old enough to Give Back. After all, character matters. It really, really matters.

Have a great season everyone.

Shannon

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